I must be too annoying 4 u.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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