You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
