He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
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You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
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Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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