it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander