I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia