It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
the condom got lost in my hair
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
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When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter