I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?