obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...