So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
