So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
