Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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