Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm like, not good at living.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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