I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
