these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
