She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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