I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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