You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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