This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i've created a new STD.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
