OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
