Whod you bang
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
