Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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