i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
