In the future we'll all be gay
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
