omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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