Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
