bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
