I think i peed on brittanys purse
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize