Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
