So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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