Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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