I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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