Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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