I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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