Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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