I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
