i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
