He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
