So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
