im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
