So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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