Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
