She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My vagina just recognized that song.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
