Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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