He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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