You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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