remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
