just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
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You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.