Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I need moral support for this bender
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home