I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?