i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.