Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
