I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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