So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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