you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The beer is more important than you right now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
