I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i think im in europe. pls send help
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
