So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
