I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
