Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
