At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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