Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Please, let me fuck your mom
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
