it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
