I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize