You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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