Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
