dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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