I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
