sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
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